Um, it's been a while.
I confess that I transfigured myself into an ostrich and recently decided it was time to pull my head from the sand for a few minutes (mostly, to listen to Atoms of Peace on repeat. SERIOUSLY. I would like to hire Thom Yorke to write a soundtrack for my stories. And life.)
But I also wanted to say: I'M ALIVE.
*side note: my blog is glowering at me right now because I haven't visited it in a while.*
I suppose I could start by saying my life has completely and utterly changed and will never be the same.
Babies do that, and somehow I find myself being the mother of a six-month old (who, I believe, is part pterodactyl). For the first few months of his precious little life, I'd gone back to work. Because my job required I travel (on planes), it quickly became A CHALLENGE. We tried and tried to make it work - it was my dream job, and I'd worked very hard to get there - but it simply would not. Being gone all night and leaving my husband (who's in dental school ) to care for a newborn while he was supposed to be studying, with no family around to help ...um, er...
After "a few" meltdowns, the answer became very clear.
You should *probably* step aside.
For me, it was the ramifications that proved a bit more...difficult. I felt displaced. I guess it's sort of like having an identity crisis. Trying to somehow reconcile the old you to the new you, but the old you is throwing the mother of all tantrums because it doesn't really want to subject itself to the new you.
And then there's the other part. "My OTHER" part. The one that lives for two-toothed smiles and sings the most ridiculous songs and makes the goofiest faces just for a giggle. The one that changes diapers and makes baby food and cleans spit-up, but somehow doesn't mind at all. Because that part is incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do it. That part sees how fast it's all speeding right by and it doesn't want to miss a second! That part realizes a little person has run away with her heart.
It's taken some time balancing Professional Me with Mommy Me, but there's one other wonderful gift that's helped me adjust. It's helped me shape my seemingly opposing halves into pieces that can link together. I have MUCH more time to write. Professional Me has been spoiled rotten with that, and she finds her creativity quite unbridled, as of late. I don't think I've been this immersed in my stories...well, ever. After I resigned from Dream Job, I set right to GAIA #3 and poured myself in to a rewrite. In just 3 weeks, I'm almost halfway done. I've also been down right terrible at emailing because of it. :P BUT! I'm loving this story so far, which I can't always say while I'm writing. I'm *hoping* that's a good sign. You BETAS will tell me, though, right?!
There you have it. A mixture of sorts. I am WORKING HARD to have this book done by fall (late), and will keep you posted on progress. (BETAS!!! I'LL NEED YOU!!! - ahem - you know who you are!!) And now I must get back to Chapter 12 before the Little One wakes up...
Also, I'd LOVE to hear how some of you make sense of your two halves. PLEASE SHARE.
You are all so wonderful and supportive and ENCOURAGING. Thank you.
p.s. In honor of Ironman 3, I would also like to add that you are all such wonderful tangerines.
Good to see you back - even if it's only briefly! Glad you're finding the balance :-)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Linda! Yeah, see, I write a blog post and don't even see your comment until a few weeks go by. SORRY! *puts head back in sand* :PDelete