Thursday, September 20, 2012

...SURVIVAL...(a.k.a. the 3rd Trimester)

   "Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you."

~ Albus Dumbledore

Probably one of my favorite quotes ever. 

No, it's not earth-shattering or philosophical, nor does it even make sense, but that's PRECISELY why I love it. In fact, I wish I could choose one of those words at random to deploy when necessary. Like when people notice my rounding waistline and ask, "How are you feeling?" I could reply, "NITWIT!"



Well, some of you know that I haven't EXACTLY had a pleasant pregnancy (<---see earlier post) - granted, it could be worse. Much worse. But SHEESH. 32.2 weeks of nausea, food aversions (to, like, EVERYTHING), and persistent brain malfunction does something to a person's psyche, ya know? 

I had HOPED it would get better - and in some ways it has. But there are a few additional "minor" things I wasn't adequately prepared for. And how should one handle these so-called "minor" things? I'll tell you how I'm doing it: It's called SURVIVAL MODE. 


1st Minor Addition: BABY MOVES...A TON.

At first it was cute - really cute. But then he started kicking my ribs and jumping on my bladder (had to pull over TWICE on a 1.5 hour drive to Tucson. NOT cute.) and shoving his back against my side so hard it felt like my skin's about to rip open.

How to survive? ... Acceptance. There not much else one can do about it, because there really isn't much space for the little man in there. So, I've succumbed to my fate of having my insides warped and rearranged, which leads me to...

2nd Minor Addition: ACID REFLUX.

I had a couple of friends warn me about this, but OHMYGOSHIHADNOIDEA!!

There I was, so happy I could stomach a bratwurst and beans AND dessert. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been able to eat a full meal in the past 8 months. In fact, I can empathize...

 ...and eating that full meal made me happy because that meant maybe - MAYBE! -  I might actually make it through the night without having to get up and drink a glass of milk!


I woke up at 3AM with SEVERE burning in my throat. TUMS? Yeah. Didn't do a thing. The result? Waking up sick with a slightly burnt esophagus. There are a couple of reasons acid reflux is so common during pregnancy. (1) The obvious - Baby Kloss is pushing against my stomach and (2) the increase in prolactin (amidst other lovely hormones) relaxes your esophageal sphincter...

How to survive?...Zantac. It's my new best friend. Oh, and so are pillows. I've got a nice tower of them propped against our headboard so that I can sleep sitting up. Also, I don't eat much in one sitting, and instead have a snack 128931092410293801298309128309821 times per day (and drink a glass of milk in the middle of the night, and in the morning, and throughout the day...). That's a little bit of a challenge when I'm working in a lab and wearing gloves and a lab coat, but now it's obvious that I'm pregnant, so customers tend to be more understanding and sometimes offer up their own preggo horror stories. :D

3rd Minor Addition: DISCOMFORT.

Okay, so "discomfort" is something you feel when your foot rubs inside your hiking boot or you ate too much cake or you're trying to sleep on a 10-hour plane ride. 

- TWEAK! - 

This week: 3.5 hour drive to an elevation of 6100 ft. Not too bad, eh? Um...right leg cramped and went numb, spine felt like it was pulling itself apart. Got to hotel feeling like I was going to throw up from the combination of driving and altitude. Stomach muscles cinched so tight I had a hard time walking, but Baby Kloss didn't seem to notice. He still tried poking holes in my dermal layer. Drank lots of water and took a shower (lower back threw the mother of all tantrums). "Lay down" with my pillow tower to watch Nanny McPhee on TV, then vertigo set in. Needed food but was too sick to eat dinner, so acid started creeping up...couldn't sleep for aforementioned reasons. Woke up and went to work (whilst smiling).


How to survive? ... Probably don't drive that far when you're 8 months pregnant. 

4th Minor Addition: FATIGUE.


I am tired ALL. THE. TIME. It's not an I-need-a-nap tired, either. It's more like an I-could-sleep-for-the-rest-of-my-life tired. And lots of times when I'm talking, I talk myself right out of breath. (Yes, I know some of you would love to see that.)

How to survive?... Video games. I'm serious! I can sit there and stare mindlessly without talking, and it keeps me awake and entertained for hours. Ben and I have gone through all the LEGO PS3 games (anxiously awaiting LEGO LOTR next month!), Rayman, and are currently blowing up aliens in Ratchet and Clank - so much fun!

Dr. Nefarious ( my favorite): "Is my superiority EVER IN QUESTION?!"

But wonder, merriment, and Dumbledore aside, I DO need to say a few words. And that would be:


To all of you that have been soooo supportive and offered encouragement (a.k.a. LIFE SUPPORT!) to me while I've struggled to keep a good attitude for the past, well, 8 months. Also, because of you, Baby Kloss is successfully spoiled with so much love and thoughtfulness and gifts. Thank you for giving him such a warm welcome to the world, and for giving Ben and I incredible support as we launch into parenthood!

And now, after all of that, I think I shall take a nap... :DDDD


  1. Hi, Barbara! I recently discovered you on Smashwords and am falling head over heels for your story--eagerly awaiting time to devour the sequel this weekend. :)
    Congrats on your impending arrival, and hang in there! I have two wee ones myself and rode the Zantac train the whole way.
    Good luck, and thanks for a great read! -Brea

    If you're interested, connect with me on my site:

    1. Well, hello, Brea! And thank you so much!! You MUST let me know what you think once you finish the sequel...

      And thanks on the congrats...Zantac train, LOL. :D I think I'm in your old car...

      Off to your website!

  2. Hi Barbara,
    I empathize and I feel (or have felt in the very recent past) your pain. The good news is that the MOMENT that baby is out, you will be able to take a deep breath, your insides will be calm (at least no one will kick from the inside), the hellish acid reflux is gone in an instant, and you will not only be able to eat, nursing a newborn will afford you a lot of extra calories to eat as you enjoy your new found freedom at the dinner table. I won't lie to you, brain function comes back slowly. But the fog does lift over time and with the company of more than just a newborn ;)

    I just finished Gaia's Secret last night. I went to college with Ben (we had some mutual friends and my roommate dated Josh) and when I saw that his wife had authored a book I had to read it. It's so not my genre and yet I really enjoyed it! Your lead characters are strong and the conflict is time-tested to be enjoyable. Great job on your first book (I think?) and I'll be sure to read the rest. Keep writing, and good luck with the end of your pregnancy and the beginning of motherhood.


    1. Thanks so much, Jill! It absolutely helps me knowing what others have experienced and that it WILL get so much better. I can look forward to the extra calories :D

      And thanks for helping me associate just who you are!...and for taking a chance on a genre you don't read. Yes, Gaia is my first and (slowly) working on the third...for obvious reasons :D Thank you, again, and congrats to YOU with your very recent past :D

  3. You're such a goof Barbara. With all those video games hours I'm surprised you haven't tried finishing FFXIII. However, next time I'm over at your place I need to remember to steal back that strategy guide...

    1. Ha! Chad, that's because RPGs like FF stress me out right now. I like relying on Ben to propel us forward if I die :DDD Of course, you can steal back your strategy hasn't moved from its protected location on the bookshelf!!!

  4. Oh my GOSH, you've nailed it!!! I grinned and giggled throughout this entire post! (wanted to bust out laughing but it's just after six and the husband and baby are both still asleep. Yeah. Not risking it.)
    HILARIOUS and SO true!! Every. word. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I hated going anywhere because it felt like Little Bub was, as you so accurately put it: going to punch a hole through my stomach, or burst out of my uterus "alien style."

    I'd tell you to "hang in there" but every time someone said that to me, I wanted to kick their face.
    So I'm just going to say, you rock sister. Grow that baby Kloss. It sucks. It'll end. And then it'll be awesome.

    1. HAHA! Yeah, do NOT wake up that precious family! And isn't it soooooo hard not envisioning Aliens?! Thanks for not telling me to hang in there (we have a choice? REALLY!?)

  5. Brilliant post! I vaguely remember all those feelings from my pregnancies 21 and 17 years ago! The acid... eugh! The worst! I had to keep milk and plain biscuits by the bedside. Happy days. Anyway, HUGE congratulations on being so nearly there - and wishing you all the best!

    1. I SURVIVE ON MILK. And you still remember it! Oh, the misery...

      Thanks so much!!!

  6. Your rollicking style makes a difficult pregnancy seem humorous and ... dare I say ... almost desirable.
    Barb, you are a trooper and your wicked sense of humor is such an asset when the going is rough.
    Thanks for the update.
    PS - The 4th trimester (postpartum) is by far the best. However, I'll warn you that it lasts a very long time!

    1. :D I saw vivace, and I smiled and proceeded to say it aloud ;D

      I like how you quantified it as the 4th trimester. And thank you for the warning! O.o

  7. Love to hear about the latest developments, so cleverly put - and making your misery fun for the rest of us. (Sorry for the chuckle at your expense.) The countdown is happening though! Then you have fun to look forward to . . . of course there are the trying two's and then the teen years . . . yes, you'll have much to write about!!

    1. You can chuckle ALL YOU WANT! I'm used to it!! hahaha. Yes...the countdown! How 'bout I just ship him to you when he's two, and again when he's a teenager??? You wouldn't mind, would you...??? :D

  8. Oh Barbara, you're awesome. Thanks for reminding me why I'm done having kids. :) This is just your first, however, and though it seems impossible, it's amazing how much you really do forget. You remember that you were miserable while pregnant, but you don't remember how miserable it was. Does that make sense? I am just starting to forget the intensity of my misery with the last one, but your post reminded me. Hang in there! I can't wait to "meet" your little guy!!

    1. YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THE REMINDER! ( So, if we decide to have more, will you promise to redirect me to my own blog? PUHLEEESE?!!?!?!?!?!?

  9. Your pregnancy horror stories are doing NOTHING to convince me that procreating is the best option for a healthy, happy, SANE lifestyle.... but OH DO YOU MAKE ME LAUGH OR WHAT?!??!

    *ducks as Barb glares at Julie for laughing at her misfortunes*

    Haha! In another life (like... you know 20 YEARS from now)... I'm sure you'll look back on these stories and laugh too! Until, HANG IN THERE!! We're all routin' for you, Team Kloss!!

    *waves Gryffindor banner*

    1. I"M SORRY!!! I don't me to NOT convince you :D *STEALS Gryffindor banner*

  10. That you can make your misery fun speaks volumes about you. We men would be whining all 9 months. And there would only one child families if men delivered the babies! Men have no clue what women go through on an hourly basis. Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting, Roland

    1. LOL - the one child family is sounding pretty good to me right about now :D

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